Welcome to the ATF
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The Anger Task Force, or ATF as it will be referred to here on out, is a forum where people will be able to get to know Possum on a more intimate basis. Not only will you get Possum’s views on politics (really don’t have any), you’ll read about how Possum has been wronged, agitated, screwed over, & just plain ole poked. I will do my best to leave names out but be for certain the guilty parties know who they are.

RANT #36 Kansas
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The state of Kansas.  There is absolutely nothing in Kansas, nothing.  Its a flat wasteland of emptiness that’s only suitable for the filming of another Mad Max movie.  I’m pretty sure that Kansas was used as the location for for the hoax of the Apollo 11 landing.

I think the U.S. Government should turn Kansas into a federal penitentiary.  There was a movie is 1981 called Escape from New York.  The movie plot was that crime had reached an increase of 400% so they turned Manhattan into a federal prison.  What a great idea!!!  Turn Kansas into a federal prison and let all of the murderers, drug addicts, rapists, and other degenerates run amok.  They’ll eventually kill each other and if not you just send some F-16′s over ever once in a while to cull the herd.

A close second to Kansas in the wasteland category is Oklahoma.  For fun you could make the south wall of the Kansas Federal Prison less stable so they could escape from Kansas only to find the dirt ridden Oklahoma.  The only thing good about Oklahoma is that it would be a suitable location for for the UofA to relocate.

#atf

RANT #35 Black and Red and Angry All Over
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I have slacked considerably on my rants in the past few months.  I’m sorry and will try to do better.

I understand the school on the other side of the Natural State has announced a new alternate jersey for the upcoming football season.  The third jersey uniform will be black, or charcoal as I think it’s officially referred (so as to not completely rip off ASU).  Hmmmm, isn’t the Arkansas State University Red Wolves official colors scarlet (red) and black?  I believe that has been the official color of ASU since 1909. 

Now if the University of Head Cheese had wished to use black in their color scheme then the school should have done so when they established themselves in the late 1800′s before ASU.  I don’t get it, the U of HC hates ASU, so why would they want to use our colors?  The answer is simple and right in front of us.  Since ASU has become a Coca Cola campus the U of HC has dropped Coke and signed with Pepsi.  In a defiant act the U of HC basically said if ASU is going be a Coca Cola campus we can’t we will steal one their base colors in protest.

I personally think the U of HC looks good in prison orange.

#atf

RANT #34 The $18 Million Bridge to Nowhere
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I have asked the great and wise O’Possum to post a rant and he has obliged.  Being a resident of the real Washington and not the D.C. version I thought this topic needed to be addressed.

Have you ever wondered what an $18 million bridge looks like?  Well if you reside in northeast Arkansas you can not only see one but you can also drive over it as well.  It’s named the Marion Berry Overpass and it’s properly named because the overpass/bridge is about as useless as he was as a congressman. 

As you travel north down Caraway one will notice that you can’t get to ASU any longer by going over the railroad tracks.  Instead you must turn left and travel a little ways then take a right to the bridge to nowhere.  You may be asking why is I am referring to it as a bridge to nowhere.  Well, BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!!! (in my Lewis Black voice).  You cannot access the east side of the campus by way of this bridge without going all the way to Johnson and head towards University Loop.  $18 million dollars!!!  I can just see Dr. Evil saying that.

I’m convinced that if ASU, the railroads, the state of Arkansas, and the United States government could not figure out a way to build the the overpass/bridge starting at Caraway with access to the east and west parts of the campus, then they should’ve left it alone altogether.  ASU could have used that $18 million to put together one hell of a NASCAR team.  Just imagine a NASCAR decked out in Red Wolves.  The hauler could come from ASU-Newport.  That’s a better use of $18 million dollars.

C’mon man!!

#atf

RANT #33 – Hootie Runs Over the Possum
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I have been scolded, admonished, jeered, and taunted for not going to the GoDaddy.com Bowl.  I want to address the reasons I didn’t go to the bowl which then will lead to the title of the rant.

When it was first announced that ASU would attend the GoDaddy Bowl it was doubtful I would get to go because of the date of the game.  You see, I have had a trip planned to the “happiest place on earth” before football season even kicked off.  It’s hard to swing four days at a bowl game then leave two days later unless your independently wealthy.  So when discussions began it was first decided that it would be a guys only trip which then morphed into everyone taking taking their families.  Plan B was to travel with three other guys who then backed out on me at Christmas.

Now to the real story.  I had kept hopes of attending the GoDaddy Bowl alive trying to find someone who wanted to leave on Sunday morning and either return after the game or spend one night in a hotel.  This is where it gets interesting.  Hootie, who I stood up for to bring into the RWC, said he wanted to go so we both started trying to find others to offset the cost.  At the end of Friday afternoon we were both dead in the water……..NOT GOING……….going to stay home and watch it on ESPN.  At 7:30 Saturday morning I get a text from Hootie saying his buddy called him at 12:30 a.m. wanting to go and that they were on the road to Mobile.  REALLY????  Where was my invite?  He didn’t call or text to see if I wanted to go.  Here’s a guy that I’ve helped out on numerous occasions, even offered him tickets to a see the Georgia Bulldogs who claims allegiance to and I don’t go invited on the trip?  WTF?? 

Well I know the real reason I didn’t get invite and it’s not upper echelon.  I’ll remember this one for a long time.

#atf

RANT #32 – The Southeast Snakenut Oil Paradigm
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There are a group of grifters working the southeast part of the United States who can also be referred to as television evangelists, snake oil salesmen, con men or in one of their latest moves a flim-flammer.  I’m going to rant on how this group has tormented not only me but many others for the past 20 plus years.

This group is involved with college sports, specifically football and basketball.  There are four varieties of of the Snakenut, Dease and Hazeltoun are the primary Snakenuts supported by Dingle and Dummy.

Dease has worked in college basketball for years where he helped to orchestrate a coup that resulted in a trip to the big dance some six years later.  While at the prom Dease worked his magic and spread tall tales that resulted in him being rewarded with a monumental raise based upon fear that a rival had offered him a job.  Years later after recruiting teams filled with guards, losing to divsion two schools, proclaiming we haven’t worked on a zone defense and the classic “We dug ourselves a mountain” Dease’s teams never made it back to the dance.  Instead of saying goodbye at the end of his contract he was rewarded with a new three year deal and a REDUCED salary.  To anyone else that would have been a slap in the face but from his reaction one would’ve have thought he had just won the national championship.  After much deliberation he finally moved on to another school where he watches Oprah reruns for inspiration instead of working on the zone defense. 

Hazeltoun has worked his way through college football programs like Exlax in a retirement home.  Assisted by his lesser brother Dummy, Hazeltoun has robbed two major programs of around NINE (in my Dr. Evil voice) MILLION dollars is the past five years.  The most amazing thing about him is that he can get a school to hire him even after they know what he did or didn’t do at the previous program.  He has an uncanny way of taking another coaches recruits and literally motivating them to win for a couple of years until the fans realize he can’t coach or recruit and they are forced to pay his contract off.  His latest screw job could result in my team losing it’s leader to the school Hazeltoun was fired from while running out of Oxford with a bag of cash.

Bottom line is that this group of gypsies have in one way or another tormented me for years.  I wish someone of authority would exile them to Bolivia.

#atf

RANT #31 Get to the Game on 11-12-11
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This RANT will go on the front page because I want all visitors, from the United States to Russia, to read this and wise up.

Saturday November 12, 2011 is a historical day for the Red Wolves Football Program.  All coaches, players, fans, supporters, alumni, and even haters will remember this date as the day ASU moved its football program to the next level. OR, it’ll be remembered as a game of coulda, woulda, and shoulda’s. 

The coaches and players will be ready and it’s time that the alumni, students, fans, and supporters do our part to help the program move forward.  We can do this simply by going to the game and supporting the Red Wolves by cheering, screaming, yelling and etc.. so as to make ASU Stadium a hostile environment for the University of Southwest Louisiana at Lafayette or whatever they’re called this decade. 

Although people will make excuses there is no excuse to not go out and support the team.   Deer hunters.  Get up early, kill something, grab a buddy a get your arse to the game.  The weather can’t be used as an excuse.  The forecast is for sunny and 65 degrees.  That’s great weather anytime of the year but especially mid-November.  The team is winning with a record of 7-2 and 5-0 in the conference so the excuse of the team is bad is not the case

Imagine what Jonesboro would be like if there were no ASU.  Take a look at Blytheville after they lost the Air Force base and then passed on FedEx moving into said Air Force Base.  Game-day brings visitors into the city who spend money on merchandise, hotels, gas, restaurants and shopping.

It’s time for everyone to wake their arses up and realize that something special is happening this year with ASU Football.  Get RABID and get to the stadium to support these players and coaches.

RANT #30 – Tailgate of the Game Snub
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It’s been a while since I’ve ranted, and though I ‘ve had plenty to rant about my doctor instructed me to take a break because of droppy face.  I have been under doctor’s orders to not get too wound up for the past three weeks but I just can’t take it any longer.

The Rabid Wolf Club has violently engaged tailgating for sometime now and yet year after year and game after game we get snubbed from being the tailgate of the game.  WHY, you may ask?  Because we don’t cow down to corporate extortionist.  I’m pretty sure that as a collective group we give more to the university than a bunch of one-time tailgaters who have someone bring in their food and give away general admission tickets in their candy stripped tents. 

The RWC respectively asks that the dirty dog who is responsible for choosing the winners take a close look at our group because we represent the true embodiment of tailgating.

#atf

RANT #29 – Souvenir Cups
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One of the things I enjoy when attending sporting events is the the souvenir cup.  It’s a great memento from the game that has the home teams logo or schedule on the side along with a corporate sponsor.  The cup usually holds anywhere from 20 – 32 ounces of premium beverage that can be taken home and used again.

Arkansas State University used to serve beverages in the souvenir cup back in the day and I believe the last time I remember seeing one was in the late eighties.  If I remember correctly it was a great cup with Running Joe on the side. 

My question is why can’t  ASU use the souvenir cups again?  They are still used at other major schools, are very popular, and I’m sure they’re quite profitable.  A 22 ounce drink has about 50 cents of soda and ice in it and the cup probably costs 25 cents.  At $5.00 a pop they are making a $4.25 profit.  I can’t believe ASU is not all over this?  Get a corporate sponsor to pay for them and it becomes all profit.

With the Red Wolves mascot being one of the best things ASU has ever done I’m confident that they could design a really nice cup.  C’mon ASU, let’s bring back the souvenir cups.

#atf

RANT #28 – Hootie
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

Well, well, well….Hootie is brought in to the RWC and in less than the week he has managed to garner a RANT.

A little background on Hootie.  He was born in Atlanta Georgia and moved to Jonesboro in the eighth grade and went on to graduate from Jonesboro High School and Arkansas State University. 

My rant focuses on Hootie’s claim to be a fan of the Georgia Bulldogs.  I asked him how and why he pulls for Georgia when he graduated from ASU?  His response is that he was born in Georgia.  I assimilate his analogy to that of your typical swine fan who claims that you have to pull for the pigs just because you are from Arkansas.  I told Hootie you put your blood, sweat, tears, and fandom into the school where you earned a degree.  Basically Hootie couldn’t get into Georgia so he went to ASU and just like other lil’ piggies, couldn’t go wah, wah, wah all the way home.  Instead of putting ASU number one he sold his soul and has joined the legion of Walmart zombies.

I’m reaching out to the Captain, his sponsor, to talk some sense into him.  The first step to on the road to recovery is acknowledging that you have a problem.  Disce Aut Discede.

#atf

RANT #27 – Tailgate City
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The tailgating area at Arkansas State is wonderful place with plenty of space neighboring ASU Stadium, the Pavilion, & the CAC.  All of which border the Pavilion Lake.  This wonderful area has been labeled with a terrible name though.  Tailgate City.

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear Tailgate City is a third rate, tailgate discount store located down on the west end of Summer Avenue in Memphis.  I picture an ordinary, bland, store front painted in yellow with cheap banner flags partially hanging from the roof and a big sign that proclaims…EVERYTHING 75% OFF.  You know, like the Halloween discount superstore that comes around every September.  In the store I imagine rows of spatulas, tongs, grills made in in a third world country, fold out chairs, coolers and so on.  What I don’t picture is a cheerful area bustling with tailgaters.  What Tailgate City describes to me is a forced, corporate, tailgate area filled with bland cookie cutter tents that resemble a housing development.

Why do we have to name it at all?  Can’t we just say come on out and tailgate?  In fact, in doing a little research I didn’t find but one school who has a named, designated area to tailgate in and that was Ole Miss and they have two, The Grove and The Circle.  Tennessee has the Vol Navy but you have to own a boat to get in on that gig. 

If our tailgate area must be named, can we not name it something more appealing or something that has relevance to our mascot, the Red Wolves?  How about The Lair or The Wolves Den.   For obvious reason we can’t use the Wolf’s Lair.   Now we do have an area that has been referred to for 20 plus years as The Pines on the east side of the Stadium.  That makes sense.  It’s an area covered with pine tress.

All I’m asking is please stop trying to invent or force a tradition.  Tailgate City doesn’t work and we’re not in the movie Old School where Vince Vaughn owns Speaker City.  C’mom man, we’re better than that. 

#atf

RANT #26 or #23 – Part II – Merging
Categories: Anger Task ForceNo Comments »

It’s not a difficult concept to understand.

  1. Pull onto the merging lane/ramp.
  2. Turn signal indicator on.
  3. Accelerate, accelerate, accelerate until you reach the speed of the cars you’re about to merge with.
  4. Merge.

It’s simple. There is no reason to slow down.  Furthermore, if you’re on the highway where merging traffic is entering, move to the left hand lane so that the merging cars can safely enter the traffic flow.

It baffles me the number of idiot DF’s out there who can’t grasp this simple task.  If I were a cop I would sit at these intersections and  hand out tickets like earplugs at a Dave Matthews concert.

#atf

RANT #25 – American Hikers in Iran
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

This will be pretty short.

There are many people who like to stay fit through the sport of Hiking.  The United States is a great country with ample places to hike so why do these three Americans feel the need to hike in the middle east?  They let one go and the others look to be let go soon only after spending over two years in prison.

Bottom line is if you want to hike, do it in your own country and don’t try it in an area that has been in turmoil forever.

RANT #24 – Walmart Zombies
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

Yeah you know what I mean even before I start.

It sickens me to the core to see ASU students and alumni who slop the pig because it’s what they’ve been conditioned or brain-washed to do.  How is it that people are easily transformed into a trance that converts a decent human into a mechanical zombie who is drawn to Walmart to buy their swine gear? 

I can’t comprehend how a student comes to ASU, or any school for that matter, and continues to support other schools whether it be wearing a clothing item or having a sticker or license plate on their car.  I can’t tell you how many ASU students I see with an ASU parking decal only to have a pig license plate on their car.  To take that thought up a notch to 11, there are countless ASU graduates who worship the swine.  And when you ask why their answer is that they couldn’t get into the other school or ASU gave more scholarships.  These alums find no fault in not supporting their alma mater, the one that allowed them to be where they are today.  Take a look at Facebook where you’ll find your friends, frat brothers, sorority sisters, and co-workers who graduated from ASU.  Yet the majority of them are flying the pig colors and telling tales of how they are heading to the hill.

I challenge each person who reads this to become a social assassin and publicly call out each student and alum, and ask them why they choose the lifestyle they do.  Confront and antagonize them to provke a response.  This works well in a group of people.  Better yet maybe I should start an interactive list and name ASU grads who refuse to support their alma mater.

I ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO GO OUT AND VIOLENTLY ENGAGE ALL WALMART ZOMBIES.

#atf

RANT #23 – Merging
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

Today’s topic of anger is merging.   Whether it be an interstate, bypass or any two-laned traffic area that requires the automobile to build speed in order to move into the flow of traffic, you have no doubt encountered a tremendous challenge on your travels.

For the life of me I can’t understand how stupidity takes control of a person as they begin their attempt to merge into traffic.  It’s as if a demonic spirit has entered the driver as they begin their journey toward other vehicles.  These people have an absolute fear of entering traffic.  It ranges from slowing down to a complete stop, which I’ve witnessed before.

I’m sure some of my readers are guilty of not knowing how to merge so here are some helpful tools.  first check out this link. http://www.wikihow.com/Merge-Onto-the-Highway-Without-Crashing.  For others who are incapable of clicking a link here are a few tips.

  1. Enter the ramp.
  2. begin acceleration.
  3. The idea is to gain speed and match the speed of he traffic already on the interstate.

There is another problem in this equation.  If you succeed entering the traffic flow you may encounter the memaw or slack jawed yocal who refuses to move into the left lane and allow you onto the two laned highway.  If you encounter either one of these jack-necks I can offer a couple of solutions.

  1. Make use of your horn.  Use that baby.  If your horn is not loud enough you can purchase a train horn at one of your local truck accessory stores which makes for a good time.
  2. You can just follow the moronic driver, pull them over and violently engage them.  Do society a favor and point out how big DB they are and write them a ticket.  That’s right, take out a piece of paper and make your own ticket.  You will feel better knowing that you confronted stupidity.

That’s all for today.  If you can’t understand how to drive, just stay home and watch reruns of Mama’s Family.

#atf

 

 

RANT #22 – Sonic
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

For the most part I enjoy Sonic, America’s Drive-in.  They provide a good product, have a daily happy hour, and usually do a good job.  However Sonic has some areas to improve upon.

  1. The microphone – After placing my order at Sonic I anxiously await for them to read it back because I don’t have faith in them getting it right.  Why??  Because it sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher reading the order back or a drunk college kid taking a stab at Mandarin Chinese.
  2. Tipping – I never know if you’re supposed to tip or not.  For this reason alone I will pass Sonic a lot of times and go somewhere else.  I usually don’t tip, however the last couple of times I have given them a  few cents.  And what about when your order comes out to $2.97, you hand them $3.00 and they assume they can keep the 3 cents?  Sonic should put out some sort of press release or sign addressing this issue.  Very nerve racking.

Come on Sonic, you’re a good company just fix these two areas.

#atf

RANT #21 – The Farmer’s Markets
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

The dictionary definition of a farmer’s market is:

A food market, often held in a public place outdoors at regular intervals, at which local farmers sell fruit and vegetables, and often meat, cheese, bakery products, and flowers directly to consumers.

I’d like to propose the following correction to that definition:

A “hip, trendy” scam, often held in a public place outdoors at regular intervals at the ass crack of dawn, at which local “farmers” hustle poor looking (and often times rotten) fruit and vegetables, meat, cheese, bakery products, and flowers directly to uppity housewives at an outrageous price.

My wife has recently fell victim to this trap.  Not once has she brought home a single product that looked edible, it all looks like the vegetables that any sain person would pass up at your local Kroger or Walmart.  Not only that, most of the time, she has no actual idea what she bought… like the time she brings home the “assortment” of peppers that she bought from some old man.  I just husked some corn that literally had living/moving organisms inside of them.  If this is what fresh food looks like, give me the chemical laced, steroided veggies any day.

The next time someone makes you feel bad for eating non-kosher-organic-local-gluten free, feel free to give them a whole wheat junk punch.  #atf

RANT #20 – Left Lane Loafers
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf Club2 Comments »

We have all experienced them at one time or another, people who drive in the left hand lane below the speed limit.  I, however, am the lucky one who encounters these people every time I get into my car to go somewhere.  That’s right, the left lane loafer or triple L as I like to call them. 

The left lane loafer usually exhibits the same characterisitics nation-wide whether your’re traveling on I-55 or running errands around town.  You know, the self-absorbed person (see RANT #17) who is on the their cell phone, driving aimlessly in the left hand lane at 20 MPH oblivious to what is going on around, beside, or behind them.  One wonders how this person passed a driving test, and even if they didn’t it’s common sense dictates that if someone is on your arse behind you, accelerate and get the %*#!@ over in the right lane. 

For the life of me I just don’t get it.  Everytime I get behind a triple L, I feel compelled to pull the person over and at the very least, just scream at them for a good munute or so.

#atf

RANT #19 – Gas Pump Tailgaters
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

Has anyone ever experienced a gas station tailgater?

This morning I pulled into Sam’s to get gas.  There was one other car at the station while I was completing my transaction when an old man in a Dodge truck pulls in right behind me, and within two feet of my rear bumper.  I glanced at him briefly thinking he was using the pump behind me.  I soon realized he was waiting for my pump.  Why?  Why is he waiting on my pump when there are at least six other options?  Once I recognized what was going on I took my own sweet time to finish my business. Then I gave him a 15 second, I’ll beat an old man, look.

Go out a practice being a social assassin.

#atf

RANT #18 – Carlos
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

Carlos!!!  Where to begin?  Here is a member of our astute organization with an A B normal brain.  He is socially challenged  in all aspects of day-to-day life when it comes to following the simplest of Rabid Wolf Club statutes.

Carlos has a fascination with trying to push the envelope when it comes to adhering to RWC protocol.  He cannot seem to grasp the most important rule when it comes to weekly meetings and that is…

A MEMBER CANNOT BRING A GUEST TO THE LUNCH MEETING WITHOUT PRIOR APPROVAL. 

It’s that simple, yet Carlos is constantly trying to bring a guest.  I wonder what color the sky is in the world where Carlos lives?  When it comes to following a simple rule, Carlos is dumber than a bucket of shrimp.  It’s time for the membership to take a stand against our most feeble minded member and hand down a punishment which can be carried out by a 65 year old  man who has the mind of a three year old.  I suggest washing my feet.  With Carlos’ advanced age, I will give him some benefit of a doubt.  Due to his advanced age, OLD-Timers may be setting in and he may not be as dumb as a  waffle iron as we think he is.  I hope that is the case, and if so, I’m sure he’ll doze off some day at lunch, drool all over himself , and we will proceed to make his head into a real life jack-o-lantern.

Disce aut Discede

#atf

RANT #17 – People Who Wear Bluetooth Earpieces
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

I’m sure everyone has seen someone who wears their fancy cyborg ear attachment for their cell phones.  They must be REALLY important.  I’m sure they’re waiting on an essential phone call alerting them that the all you can eat buffet has just dropped their price to $4.99 per person.

These tools aren’t even on the phone.  They’re just traipsing around with a blinking light in their ear like a metro-sexual robot after an all night rave at Best Buy.

Honestly, unless you’re a police dispatcher, the inventor of Indian call centers, or a South Beach tribal tattoo removal specialist, there’s no way you’re getting enough calls to justify sporting that gloified techno-earring.  SO, do all of us a favor:  Take the douche-aid out of your ear and rejoin regular society.  Otherwise, it’s open season and our fist-to-face connection is one call that always goes through.  Can you hear me now?  Beam me up Captain Kirk.

#atf

RANT #16 – People Who Take Their Kids to the Movies
Categories: Anger Task ForceComments Off

I love a good movie and I’m sure all of you have experienced the person who brings their unruly kid or crying baby to the movie. 

It’s damn near impossible to go to the movies these days and actually enjoy the whole experience.  Although you know going into it that it’s going to cost you a minimum of $17.50, (ticket, and combo snack) you still hold onto the illusions that you’re going to have a pleasant time.  Also when I go to a movie I try to get there early enough to pick a strategic seat so I can go to the restroom and exit as soon as the movie is over.

Once seated there is sure to be that ONE person who comes in with a screaming  baby or toddler who won’t stay still and invariably they sit either right in front, or behind me.  What a bag over the head punch in the face it is to have to put up with theses social savants.  HELLO PEOPLE!!!  That’s why Redbox was invented so you tools can spend $10 and watch movies at home all night and not ruin the it for the other people. 

Why can’t there be a real life witch similar to Hansel and Gretel living in a gingerbread house outside the cinema?  The next time this happens I have a good mind to ask them to pay me back for corrupting my evening.  A challenge you to be a social assassin and stand up for yourself and other movie goers the next time your faced with a screaming kid.

#atf

RANT #15 – People Memorialized on Car Windows
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

We see them everyday when driving around town.  People who memorialize their loved ones on the back windows of cars and trucks.  I know this may step on a few toes but it’s time someone spoke out.

Why do people feel that the best way to honor or memorialize someone after they pass is to put their loved ones name on the back of a car or truck window?  Really?  You think that if you put a sticker on the back of your truck that your loved one will be honored?  How So?  I know that when I die, I do not want my name on the back of a 2001 Chevy, Z71 truck.  If my name ever ends up on the back of a window I’m going to come back and haunt the person that does it.  And, if they trade or sell the car with my name on it then watch out.

How about when you sell or trade a car?  Have you bought multiple stickers to replace their name on the new car?  How does your loved one’s spirit feel after they’ve been traded in?  Does a person really think they are honoring their loved one by placing their name on the back of some old truck with mud splattered all over it?

I guess I just don’t get it.  If someone wants to honor or memorialize someone then make a donation in their name to charity or organization that the person was fond of.

#atf

RANT #14: Vibrams – Five Toe Rubber Shoes
Categories: Anger Task ForceNo Comments »

This is the most ridiculous shoe product out on the market.   As I started my rant a co-worker just came by and tried to justify these worthless shoes by telling me that they help a person to walk correctly.  Really?  I didn’t know I was walking incorrectly.  I seem to get around just fine.  These are all of the rage for among the young un’s but I just don’t get it.  If they’re supposed to simulate being barefooted why not just go barefooted and save $100?

#atf

RANT #13: Neck Tattoos
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Neck Tattoos.  I don’t get it or understand it.

If a person wants a tattoo I guess that’s their right and I suppose it’s their right to place it where they want.  However, how does one come to the conclusion that it’s a good idea to put a tattoo on their neck.  I know Johnny All-American thinks it’s cool but what happens when he has to get a real job?  What happen when he ages and he’s hanging out with his grandchildren and tries to explain what that is on his neck and his reasoning behind putting it there?

There’s not a lot to rant on about this subject other than it’s ridiculous.  I have a really great topic to rant on so stay tuned, and stay RABID my friends.

#atf

RANT #12: “Half Marathons”
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Most everyone drives the same, mundane route everyday, whether it’s to work or to get a Sonic Brown Bag special.  And in your journeys around town I’m sure you’ve seen a car or SUV with a 13.1 decal on the back.

For those of you who don’t know, 13.1 signifies a half marathon (26.2 is miles is the length of a regular marathon).  Think about it, there is NO SUCH THING as a half marathon.  A half marathon is for quitters.  The term half marathon was concocted by SUV driving yentas, who sit around on Tuesday mornings at the local high brow coffee shop drinking latte’s and surfing the net, who think they need to be all they can be, yet not too much.  They don’t want to run a full marathon so they invent their own, personalized race.  What a gimmick!!  Actually it’s just another step taken by a pretentious woman who is climbing the societal food chain.  Instead of saying “I’m going to the gym.” the snobbish haint replies…”I’m training for a half marathon.”

I challenge everyone who sees a person with a 13.1 sticker on the back of their car confront them and call them a QUITTER!!

#atf

RANT #11: Intersection Beggars
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The motivation for today’s rant is organizations or groups who are asking for donations at intersections.  We have all been confronted by them on the way to work or just trying to get around town.  They are positioned at the major junctures in the city with their buckets and so forth.  Now I don’t have a problem with the intersection solicitors who are out there for a special community awareness fundraiser such as a fallen serviceman, police officer or fire fighter who is local.   Something along those lines.

My problem is that every group that has a group is now out at intersections begging for money.  From little Jimmy’s AAU basketball team to sweet Sally’s fast pitch softball team.  Back when I was in school and my team or group needed to raise money we did it the old fashioned way…WE EARNED IT.  We did any and everything to raise money from car washes, raking leaves, selling candles and chicken dinners to having benefit shows.  Nowadays people and kids are just lazy.  Why go out and raise money the correct way, just be lazy and beg for it, it’s the American way.  Isn’t there some sort of law that prevents every slack jawed local from begging?ast

I have an idea, the next time an intersection begger asks for money tell them they have to earn it.  Ask them to do a little dance, pat their head and rub their tummy at the same time, ask for them to give you their hat or shirt, give them your trash in your car, throw a handful of change on the ground.  The possibilities are endless, make it fun.  If they want money make them earn it.

#atf

FOLLOW UP: 8-10-11

On the way home yesterday there were two intersections in a row that had people begging for money.  I was hoping I would get the chance to speak to one of the solicitors so I could violently engage them but I hit both lights on green and missed my chance.  I did go home and call the cops though.

RANT #10: NFL = Nice Football League
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Today I will rant about the NFL and how everyone is nicely nice today.

Have you noticed over the past decade or two that all NFL palyers are buddies, friends, or chums?  Everybody love everybody!!  Everyone is a winner!!  Everyone gets an attaboy!!  What happened to the days of hatred, true rivalries, and disgust for the other team?  In the 70′s the Steelers and Cowboys hated each other.  Jack Lambert, Dick Butkus, Conrad Dobler are just a few of the guys who hated everyone.  To borrow a phrase from the Road Warriors, “Do you know who I hate besides everyone?”  evidently no one in today’s NFL.  Today after the game you see everyone posing for pictures and giving words of encouragement.  WTF????  It’s the NFL, stick somebody.

I guess the old days are just that and now all we have are feel good Sundays with group hugs.  Disgusting!!  To quote legendary Buffalo Bills coach Lou Saban…“They’re killin’ me out there, Whitey, they’re killin’ me!”

#atf

RANT #09: Gym Etiquette
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My focus of anger today is gym etiquette and the people who attend the gym on a regular basis.

Let me start by saying I am not the hardcore muscle guy who spends hours in the gym working out and popping HGH or other forms of horse steroids.  I’m just your average middle aged guy attempting to live a somewhat healthy lifestyle whose goal is to get my sweat and exercise on, and get out.  I like to be in and out within an hour and I really don’t want to talk or interact with anyone which is why I bring my iPod with me.

The gym has 16 treadmills and it never fails that If I am the only one on a treadmill some jackneck comes along and gets on the treadmill RIGHT next to me.  WTF??  Proper gym etiquette is to leave a space between each person if possible.  SO, if there is only one person on the treadmill (ME) that means there are 15 open.  GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!

Next, I love ASU and I wear A-StAte clothing to the gym everyday so it should not be a problem to figure out who I’m a fan of if you see me.  The other day I was working out, with headphones in, and I look up to see some old, Silver Sneakers pe-paw talking to me.  I pull my headphones down and he asks “Hey, did you see the hog (hurts my fingers to type that word) game last night?”  I calmly looked at him and slowly grab my shirt and held it where he can see it more prominently, put my headphones back on and continue exercising.  I’ll beat an old man.

There are several characters in the gym that I have given nicknames to.

  • Tanktop Pirate – This guy is really out of shape but he “works it” in the gray wife beater wearing a purple doo-rag.
  • 16 Candles – This lady resembles Long Duck Dong’s girlfriend from the movie 16 Candles and has the gait of a runway model, however shea’s not a runway model.
  • Speedracer – Once he’s on the stationary bike there’s no stopping him.  He pedals the speed of a NASCAR racer.
  • The Three Amigos – Refugees from a defunct gym, these three think they’re the shat with they’re posturing and random cool tattoos and protein drinks.
  • Softballs – The poor kid is so roided up he can’t put his arms down and he’s a major mirror poser.
  • Under Armour Couple – They must have recieved every garment Under Armour has to offer for Christmas.  They are decked out from head to toe everyday in Under Armour gear.
  • The Ghost – Here is a guy who thinks that as long  as we walks into the gym he’s exercising. This guy comes in, gets on a bike for five minutes, does one set of bench presses and leaves.  In and out in 10 minutes.  He looks as though he could give birth any second.

My rant ran a little long today.  I will work on keeping it brief in the coming days.  Stay Angry!!!

#atf

RANT #08: Baseball
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Baseball.  I know there are many out there that just love baseball, that love to sit in 100 degree weather watching, well nothing.

I am first and foremost a football fan, but I do like soccer, which I have been involved with for years as a player, coach, and referee.  Most people don’t like soccer and I get that, however look at a baseball.  This is a sport where fat, out of shape guys are kings of their trade.  And how about the “unwritten” rules of baseball  There are so many “unwritten” rules that I don’t understand how anyone can keep up.  HEY!!  Wake up call, there is no such thing as an “unwritten” rule.  It’s either a rule or it’s not, pretty simple.  How about the idiocracy of rain delays and all of the stupid little games they play?  What about the hot foot prank, or the cream pie in the face?  ALL STUPID.  These are grown men who are supposed to be playing a professional game, not a bunch of kids.  Yet these professionals get paid millions to play around like school kids.  How about the so-called basebrawls?  NO SUCH THING, they all run out there with their chests puffed out and push each other around but there is no real damage.  For %&*@ sake you have a bat ….use it, wear somebody out.

For baseball to ever get my attention there needs to be some changes made.  Such as, have an NFL defensive back in the outfield to stick someone on a fly ball.  Or how about everyone takes a shot of tequila between innings?  If the players are going to fat and out of shape then put in a a rule that all players must be at least 300 pounds.

Again I know people bash soccer, but if you ever played the “beautiful” game then it makes it easier to watch and understand.  And I suppose that could be true for baseball but at least in soccer they’re always moving.

#atf

RANT #07: Man vs. Food
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My rant for today targets Adam Richman and his show Man Vs. Food.  I have verbally complained about this subject to others but now it’s time I took my anger to web.  My hope is that the subject of this article happens upon this, reads it and gets so angry he eats himself to death.

REALLY???  A show called Man vs. Food?  How is this even a show?  It’s a fat guy going around to restaurants, getting free food and shoving it in his pie hole.  That’s not a show, that’s a daily stroll in your local mall’s food court.  The only entertaining element to the show would be if he just falls over dead from eating, or his heart explodes.  This is a show where 99% of the population is qualified to participate.  I would love to be at one the show’s live tapings and right when he’s almost full, or has a mouth full of food, I’d get a running start & gut punch him.

Another thing, why is it on the Travel Channel?  I mean for the love of fried food, all he is doing is eating.

I encourage all of you to contact the Travel Channel and complain.  http://www.travelchannel.com/About/Viewer_Relations

#atf

RANT #06: Confronting Stupidity
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I feel as if I received a clear calling from God this morning at church.  It has made me question myself and society in ways I’ve never considered before.  That calling was: “If you don’t confront stupid people, how will they ever learn proper, acceptable behavior?”  Immediately after this epiphany, I was given the opportunity to put this new lifestyle in to practice.

First of all, how I came to this point.  My association with the Anger Task Force has opened my eyes to the plethora of morons in the world.  For example, yesterday I went to a local restaurant for dinner with my wife.  The restaurant was moderately busy, no wait, but with a steady stream of people coming in.  My wife and I were 2nd to be seated by the hostess, who was in process of having the couple in front of us sign in (see RANT 6A).  That’s when this stupid person at the salad bar stepped in.  This redneck lady walked up to the hostess and decided to play a game of 20 questions about the ingredients in the fruit salad mixture on the salad bar, causing the hostess to stop everything to try to answer her questions, or find someone who could.  It makes me want to scream, “Hey redneck idiot lady, never mind the 8 of us now waiting to be seated.  Nobody move until we find out if that’s sour cream or mayonaise in the fruit salad.  Also, lets be sure to ask the hostess, who probably knows less about the ingredients of the food than anyone else in the restaurant.  Here’s a crazy thought, just get some of it and taste it… or here’s another thought.  Don’t get it!  It’s not like you have any room for it on your plate anyways with all of that cubed ham and shredded cheese.”

Back to the idiot in church.  This morning, just as the preacher gets up to start his sermon, this lady decided that she wanted a cup of coffee. I think we’ve all probably wanted something similar in church at one point or another, but common decency and intelligence keeps us in our seats.  Besides, the sermon only lasts about 20 minutes and then we are free to go about our business.  Not this lady, she decides that she is going to send her 13-15yr old grandson to get her a cup of coffee from the complementary coffee station set up on the other side of the room.  Not only that, she sends him across the front of the room, right in front of the stage.  First of all, this kid has no idea how to use the coffee pot.  This is obvious by the 8 TRIPS it takes him to finish the task.  The 500 of us who are trying to pay attention have no choice but to watch this kid in his bright orange t-shirt walk back and forth in front of us.  I had made up my mind that I was going to approach this lady after church to ask if the coffee was good enough to justify the distraction of 500 people and a self admitted ADD preacher, but my wife had other plans.  I tried to argue that without someone confronting this lady about her stupidity, how would she ever learn what she did wrong in that scenario, so I resolved to rant about it here.

RANT 6A - Why do restaurants make you sign in?  It’s retarded and no one cares or even checks that you are or aren’t a member.  I usually write a movie star or other famous person’s name.

RANT 6B - Why does KAIT8.com still have annoying popup ads.  Do they have any idea how annoying it is for that shit to popup behind the screen.  The 49 cents a month they get from click referrals is not worth the anger they cause for their web visitors.  Thanks good neighbor!

RANT #05: Cajun, Musicical Idiot Savant
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Today’s rant will focus on the musical incompetence of Jonas.  Here is a young man who has the music IQ of Mississippi mud, who doesn’t understand what music is all about, who basically has no musical soul.  Big Nasty once told me he doesn’t trust anyone who doesn’t listen to music referring to a common friend who would turn off the radio when they got into his car.  Not only does Jonas have ZERO musical background he’s never attended a concert unless you count him seeing Vanilla Ice in a club outside of  Abita Springs.

I mean, COME ON!!!  Until recently he’s never heard of Van Halen, the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, or the various other staples of rock that I like to refer to as top 40 foundations.  I tried to get him to go to a Foo Fighters concert recently and you could see the fear in his eyes and the questions he wanted to ask, “Large crowds?, loud music?, crazy people?”  It was as if I asked him to make seafood gumbo without shrimp.  If he had the choice of blind or deaf he would most certainly choose deaf because he would never miss what he doesn’t know or understand.  #atf

RANT #04: Home Owners Associations
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I received a letter from my HOA stating I haven’t paid my $35 for the year.  This is an issue that really pokes the Possum.  They use the $35 for upkeep of the front entrance to my neighborhood and I use the back entrance to get to a from home everyday.  This is the letter I sent to HOA President.

I have yet to pay the HOA fee because I don’t see the worth in it for me. 

I, along with several others who use the back entrance of XXXXXXXXXXX, believe that some sort of entrance should be built in the back of the neighborhood.  You and I discussed this point over the phone a couple of years ago and you told me that you would look into this issue and get back with me but I have yet to be contacted. 

I will send my check in , however I’m certain that I have a better chance of getting something out of my $35 if I threw the cash out of my window as I drive down the bypass rather than giving it to the HOA.  It’s difficult for me to believe that it takes around $1,500 to maintain the front entrance. 

I am going to look into the legality if this HOA because I have lived in XXXXXXX for 10 years and the HOA was started just three years ago and I don’t understand how you can just start asking for money seven years after I have established residence.  You can expect a letter similar to this every year that my issue isn’t addressed. 

Sincerely

XXXXXXXX

atf

After receiving my letter the HOA President called me and I told him I would be sending a letter every year to complain about this matter.

#eatit  #atf

Rant #03: McLovin’
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McLovin’ has been screwing with the site postponing my anger laced rants for several days.  So if you see McLovin out during the day (which is rare since the only light he receives is the dim glow of a computer screen or TV) give him a throat punch and tell him you want more anger from the Possum…..#atf

RANT #02: Sam’s Club
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I went to Sam’s Club to pick up a few items.  To be precise I purchased five, or so I thought.  As I tried to exit Sam’s the door SS guard went to count my items and she tells me that I was only charged for four.  Well I considered going back but noticed that out of the 20 lanes Sam’s offers, only four were open and they were stacked three people deep.  Soooo, I threw my item on the floor and departed.  I mean, really?  The cashier can’t scan five items?  #atf #fml

RANT 2A - Why do you have to show your Sam’s card when you go in?  You have to have it to check out so what’s the point?  #atf

UPDATE – August 28, 2011.  I asked the greeter as I walked in “Why do I have to show my card if I have to hand it to the cashier when checking out?”  He replied…”I have no idea”

RANT #01: The Upper Echelon
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For my inaugural post I will discuss an incident that occurred during the last RWC road trip. The trip to the UALR game was made by four members, two associate members (key figures), a pledge, & guest. One of the higher ranking members had passes to a suite which was owned by a well known cellular provider. To keep the story short, I work for a institution who has cellular service with another company & I was told I could not visit the suite because of this even though MY cellular service is through my wife’s company & had no bearing on this event. So, the pledge & myself were relegated to the commoner areas which were fine.

Even though I was slightly upset I became nauseated as I watched the two associate members stuffing their faces with free food & beer during he course of the game & then anger ensued as I began to wonder WHY? Why do these humps get preferential treatment? There is a reason that they are associates & thus should not be receiving the finer perks of RWC membership. Then the answer hit me. Collusion!!! There are about four to five participants in the RWC who watch out for each other no matter how the pecking order falls & laughs in the face of membership hierarchy. These are the same associates who have never purchased a season ticket nor an individual ticket to an ASU event, They continually burn up the phones looking for freebies & hand me outs which are always given to them with no repercussions.

I will end my rant for the day but I’m sure you see how it works. A special thanks to those who continually support Possum & my fight for truth. As for the types of comments I make, Sometimes I just get carried away with my own eloquence.

Stay tuned for more.

Pig-ware wearing morons
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I don’t know if anyone else noticed the idiot on page B3 of our local fish wrapper/bird cage liner.  Page B3 consisted of a number of pictures taken at the Homecoming tailgate.  I am overlooking the fact that they didn’t take any of the clearly the best tailgate out there, the Pain Train led Rabid Wolf Tailgate.  No, they didn’t get a picture of us, but they did manage to include a picture of a MORON wearing a hog shirt!  Thank you Saundra Sovick, or should that be Sandra Soviet, you commie pinko!  Why?  Why must you include a picture of this idiot?  Were there just not enough people wearing Red Wolf apparel?   Even Token, our own pig-loving lunch buddie would never stoop so low as to wear his hog gear to an ASU tailgate.  And where was the sports editor, Kevin Turbeville?  Clearly asleep at the wheel, or is there something more sinister going on?  There have always been imbecile, wanna-be pigs wearing the colors at every game.   I know that a few of us have invited them to move on to the northwest Arkansas outpost if they love it so much.  And I salute Pledge Hootie Robinson for somewhat violently engaging one of MCLOVIN’S friends who dared to wear an Arkansas hat into our taligate, while the rest of us stood around, probably because he could have kicked our collective behinds.  Matthew V finally came around.  Maybe it is time for Carlos to earn his stripes by calling his good buddy Musso, as the Captain refers to him.  Or maybe it is time to sic’ the Possum on Saundra or Kevin.  I belive he has been poked.