RANT #23 – Merging
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

Today’s topic of anger is merging.   Whether it be an interstate, bypass or any two-laned traffic area that requires the automobile to build speed in order to move into the flow of traffic, you have no doubt encountered a tremendous challenge on your travels.

For the life of me I can’t understand how stupidity takes control of a person as they begin their attempt to merge into traffic.  It’s as if a demonic spirit has entered the driver as they begin their journey toward other vehicles.  These people have an absolute fear of entering traffic.  It ranges from slowing down to a complete stop, which I’ve witnessed before.

I’m sure some of my readers are guilty of not knowing how to merge so here are some helpful tools.  first check out this link. http://www.wikihow.com/Merge-Onto-the-Highway-Without-Crashing.  For others who are incapable of clicking a link here are a few tips.

  1. Enter the ramp.
  2. begin acceleration.
  3. The idea is to gain speed and match the speed of he traffic already on the interstate.

There is another problem in this equation.  If you succeed entering the traffic flow you may encounter the memaw or slack jawed yocal who refuses to move into the left lane and allow you onto the two laned highway.  If you encounter either one of these jack-necks I can offer a couple of solutions.

  1. Make use of your horn.  Use that baby.  If your horn is not loud enough you can purchase a train horn at one of your local truck accessory stores which makes for a good time.
  2. You can just follow the moronic driver, pull them over and violently engage them.  Do society a favor and point out how big DB they are and write them a ticket.  That’s right, take out a piece of paper and make your own ticket.  You will feel better knowing that you confronted stupidity.

That’s all for today.  If you can’t understand how to drive, just stay home and watch reruns of Mama’s Family.




RANT #22 – Sonic
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

For the most part I enjoy Sonic, America’s Drive-in.  They provide a good product, have a daily happy hour, and usually do a good job.  However Sonic has some areas to improve upon.

  1. The microphone – After placing my order at Sonic I anxiously await for them to read it back because I don’t have faith in them getting it right.  Why??  Because it sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher reading the order back or a drunk college kid taking a stab at Mandarin Chinese.
  2. Tipping – I never know if you’re supposed to tip or not.  For this reason alone I will pass Sonic a lot of times and go somewhere else.  I usually don’t tip, however the last couple of times I have given them a  few cents.  And what about when your order comes out to $2.97, you hand them $3.00 and they assume they can keep the 3 cents?  Sonic should put out some sort of press release or sign addressing this issue.  Very nerve racking.

Come on Sonic, you’re a good company just fix these two areas.


You vs. Them
Categories: ASU Athletics, FootballNo Comments »

This video, released by the football team today, is straight-up bad ass. This makes me want to go to the football complex, break in to the locker room, put on Demario Davis’s pads, go to the mall, and Goldberg spear someone.

Props to Chris Buttgen, because I am sure he probably had something to do with this.

Here’s the link to the source: ASU RedWolves Football Page.

Meeting Attendance & Offical Drink of the Pack
Categories: Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

I will start with the later since it is the easiest. Being a senoir member (but not as senior as Pimp Daddy, he is older than dirt) I think that being the zealous, passionate and powerful members that we are I think that the only drink for us to sanction worthy of the RWC is straight up Crown Royal over ice. Now I know Pimp Daddy (the sissy wine drinker he is) will shiver at this thought but I think he can do it.

Now as to the attendance issue that The Judge has brought to the fore front. Some of us even the senior ones in the club do still have “real” jobs and do have to from time to time show it if only to collect our check. I am sure that with the advent of schools starting and the upcoming football season attendence will once again be full.

RANT #21 – The Farmer’s Markets
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

The dictionary definition of a farmer’s market is:

A food market, often held in a public place outdoors at regular intervals, at which local farmers sell fruit and vegetables, and often meat, cheese, bakery products, and flowers directly to consumers.

I’d like to propose the following correction to that definition:

A “hip, trendy” scam, often held in a public place outdoors at regular intervals at the ass crack of dawn, at which local “farmers” hustle poor looking (and often times rotten) fruit and vegetables, meat, cheese, bakery products, and flowers directly to uppity housewives at an outrageous price.

My wife has recently fell victim to this trap.  Not once has she brought home a single product that looked edible, it all looks like the vegetables that any sain person would pass up at your local Kroger or Walmart.  Not only that, most of the time, she has no actual idea what she bought… like the time she brings home the “assortment” of peppers that she bought from some old man.  I just husked some corn that literally had living/moving organisms inside of them.  If this is what fresh food looks like, give me the chemical laced, steroided veggies any day.

The next time someone makes you feel bad for eating non-kosher-organic-local-gluten free, feel free to give them a whole wheat junk punch.  #atf

RANT #20 – Left Lane Loafers
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf Club2 Comments »

We have all experienced them at one time or another, people who drive in the left hand lane below the speed limit.  I, however, am the lucky one who encounters these people every time I get into my car to go somewhere.  That’s right, the left lane loafer or triple L as I like to call them. 

The left lane loafer usually exhibits the same characterisitics nation-wide whether your’re traveling on I-55 or running errands around town.  You know, the self-absorbed person (see RANT #17) who is on the their cell phone, driving aimlessly in the left hand lane at 20 MPH oblivious to what is going on around, beside, or behind them.  One wonders how this person passed a driving test, and even if they didn’t it’s common sense dictates that if someone is on your arse behind you, accelerate and get the %*#!@ over in the right lane. 

For the life of me I just don’t get it.  Everytime I get behind a triple L, I feel compelled to pull the person over and at the very least, just scream at them for a good munute or so.


Flanders and Obama
Categories: Announcements, Rabid Wolf Club1 Comment »
Who knew Flanders was so connected (and emotional)?
RANT #19 – Gas Pump Tailgaters
Categories: Anger Task Force1 Comment »

Has anyone ever experienced a gas station tailgater?

This morning I pulled into Sam’s to get gas.  There was one other car at the station while I was completing my transaction when an old man in a Dodge truck pulls in right behind me, and within two feet of my rear bumper.  I glanced at him briefly thinking he was using the pump behind me.  I soon realized he was waiting for my pump.  Why?  Why is he waiting on my pump when there are at least six other options?  Once I recognized what was going on I took my own sweet time to finish my business. Then I gave him a 15 second, I’ll beat an old man, look.

Go out a practice being a social assassin.


Meeting Attendance
Categories: Announcements, Rabid Wolf Club1 Comment »

Something must be done about the abysmal attendence record of a number of members, including senior, executive committee members.  As far as I know, Brother Wyoming is the only excused member, as he is out of the country on sensitive official RWC business.  As we all know, Thursday is to be considered sacred.  (I think that it is mentioned in Genesis somewhere, but I digress.)  The last meeting was attended by a paltry 5 persons.  Flanders was even early.  It would have been six, but as usual, Carlos brought guests, and was shunned.

Important business needed to take place, people.  With the website getting more attention all of the time, we are getting numerous requests for membership.  And I, for one, am afraid that certain non-executive committee, non-upper echelon members, (not mentioning any names, McLovin) are feeling a bit uppity, and getting drunk on the power that comes with having a vote that counts 20%.  And at least those of us that ventured to Troy, know what happens when he gets drunk.  He has unilaterally named the last Athlete of the Month with no executive Committee input. 

There was actually talk of granting membership to some of these clearly unqualified applicants.  As far as your humble correspondent is concerned, we have quite enough unqualified members as it is.  Plus the football season is literally right around the corner.   Come on, people!  (Yes, that is an exclamation point.  I NEVER use exclamation points, but felt it necessary in this case.  I used it, and I am not ashamed.  I am not a girl either, since I used only one.)  Show up so that I am not the only mature, voice of reason at the meeting.  As we all know, with no season tickets to his name, and none on the horizon, Flanders, though quite mature, doesn’t count.  Someone told him there was a banana at his office and he left early anyway.

RANT #18 – Carlos
Categories: Anger Task Force, Rabid Wolf ClubNo Comments »

Carlos!!!  Where to begin?  Here is a member of our astute organization with an A B normal brain.  He is socially challenged  in all aspects of day-to-day life when it comes to following the simplest of Rabid Wolf Club statutes.

Carlos has a fascination with trying to push the envelope when it comes to adhering to RWC protocol.  He cannot seem to grasp the most important rule when it comes to weekly meetings and that is…


It’s that simple, yet Carlos is constantly trying to bring a guest.  I wonder what color the sky is in the world where Carlos lives?  When it comes to following a simple rule, Carlos is dumber than a bucket of shrimp.  It’s time for the membership to take a stand against our most feeble minded member and hand down a punishment which can be carried out by a 65 year old  man who has the mind of a three year old.  I suggest washing my feet.  With Carlos’ advanced age, I will give him some benefit of a doubt.  Due to his advanced age, OLD-Timers may be setting in and he may not be as dumb as a  waffle iron as we think he is.  I hope that is the case, and if so, I’m sure he’ll doze off some day at lunch, drool all over himself , and we will proceed to make his head into a real life jack-o-lantern.

Disce aut Discede